all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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