Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
