do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
