Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
