He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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