Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
