so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize