I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
