you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
