and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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