Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
