i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
