You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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