so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize