We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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