dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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