He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize