Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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