i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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