I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
