oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
