i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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