she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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