positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
