i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
