Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
