miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
