got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
