Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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