Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
