porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize