Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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