Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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