My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
