after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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