if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
