:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
