Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
