he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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