so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
