Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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