he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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