In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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