so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
