The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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