I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
