this beer tastes like vomit already
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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