just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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