Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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