bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
