im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
