Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize