i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
