WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
