yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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