is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
