Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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