Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And then my night got REAL pukey
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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