Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
