I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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