there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
