i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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