There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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