Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
