guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
