My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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