Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
