I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
