So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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