I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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