What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
