Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
